April 2003

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I find tampons on the floor, do you? I also get pissed off when motherfuckers buy up Björk tickets and sell them on Ebay. I have nothing positive to say on the matter, so I’m going to iron my uniform and go to work. Grahfuck to it all!

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Tomorrow I’m off to visit the wonderful foalface. I haven’t been swimming since the semi-disasterous holiday of 2001 and my fear of large areas of water has grown considerably since then. I’m sure I’ll manage it though. Other time shall be spent soaking up the rare British sun and singing along to songs from The Little Mermaid (this is what I do.)

As for the image above – I am still wading through a huge mass of Simone photos. There will be a series as soon as I am finished. Once again, thank you Doug.

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No one can ever understand the concept of feeling uncomfortable in your own home until you have experienced having a lodger – or in my case, Ãœber Lodger From Hell. If I were to market my lodger and attempt to ship him off to a foreign household, these would be his top selling points:

• My lodger leaves the seat up when he pees – he also doesn’t flush it either, which can be a fruity surprise in a morning rush.

• He’ll neglect to call you by your name, and quite frequently call you by your gender (e.g – “Come over here, boy!”)
• Ãœber Lodger From Hell (ÃœLFH) will also eat large quantities of take away food, daily, so that you can watch him grow in size right before your eyes.
• This duper-caring cool guy will even neglect the fact that you have three small dogs that have already been run over once, and will leave the door wide open for this fun event to happen just again and again!
• Forget maturity! With your own ÃœLFH he’ll make any attempt to get you into trouble by telling on you to your local parent if you dare to say anything that closely resembles the ‘F’ word (but in fact, isn’t.)

So you know what? This is to you, über dickhead of the male species: flush the fucking toilet and get out of my face.

I am so slow sometimes at seeing good films. Monsters Inc. had me giggling at 3:30am this morning with the morning fairies. In other news I have recently been subjected to:

• Rules of Attraction – lots of sex, stereotypes and what I perceived as pathetic representations of teenage life. Thumbs down.

• Blue Crush – don’t even ask. I fell asleep through most of it (that one was just for you, Brighton Boy.
• Maid in Manhattan – OKOK. I must justify this! It is tradition for myself and the girls to see the worst movies around (previous experiences include Santa Clause 2 and About Schmidt).

Entirely unrelated – there is now an antiwar series available which were taken from March 21st/22nd.

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Once again, the Alex series has been updated. There are now sixteen images – some have been removed and replaced. I am very proud of them, and Alex herself.

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You know that saying, You scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours? Well, tonight I waxed his ass and he waxed mine. Except mine is naturally better because I have a nicer bum, and now it’s smooth like silk. His bum is nice too, but it just doesn’t beat mine.

And in completely unrelated news, I developed a roll of film with Alex on. I’m delighted with the results.

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