Nov 26 2003
Ancient macros
Tracy Emin just gave a talk at my university about herself, her art and her current (and future) projects that she is undertaking. The talk was incredibly inspiring (and humorous at times simply because of her personality), although the collective presence of so many art students all striving for the same thing was, admittedly, slightly daunting and distressing. Since arriving here I’m forever aware of the underlying competition to create amazing art (which, in reality, is not particularly possible when you are at this stage in your education). It’s a hollow, whispered subject that is barely discussed, but we all know that during our crits we are making artistic comparisons and ultimately deciding if our peers, and ourselves, have anything to offer in the art world.
And really, I can’t handle that shit. Since getting here I have completely lost faith in work that I’ve been creating. I’m awful at expressing the meaning behind my images (when I know that in my head, there is meaning, I just can’t verbally articulate it) and just crumble when I’m having to show my work to classmates. Lately I’m just thinking in visuals increasingly and when it comes to tangible expression, I’m running miles.
I’m angered at the thought that reservation constantly acts as a means for self-preservation. I’m tired of this commonly held fear of showing what it is to be real, whether that’s with your personality, or artistically. It seems that anyone who tries to just be themselves, a raw entity of human existence, ends up persecuted by the masses that can’t deal with humanity. And quite frankly, it’s sickening.
