Jan 31 2006
Music…
TV…
I clearly have no life.
Jan 29 2006
I rarely feel confident enough to consider putting any of my photos on my own wall, but boy do I feel proud of these photos! Such a beautiful model. In other news Evs, Shibani and I wandered around the asylum again for more photos.. I’ll post some during the week.
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Jan 28 2006
Jan 26 2006
Jan 26 2006
I seem to have been living the last couple of days through other people’s words. I’m addicted to Leela James‘ album A Change Is Gonna Come. Aside from that I’ve just generally been getting drunk, causing trouble, upsetting Monroe and fucking up my sleep routine. Not much to report. This image is mainly inspired by a favourite photo-diarist of mine, Naughty James.
Gareth and I finally booked our birthday party. I’m rather excited as last year’s shebang went down well. Tomorrow we’re shooting the photos for the invitations, so expect lots of ladyboy action around here soon. And if it’s not your thing, well, don’t visit.
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Jan 23 2006
Jan 22 2006
Sundays are made for bad food (no roast dinner today), Janis Joplin and the blues…
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Jan 20 2006
I haven’t pulled an all-nighter in so long – probably since I was at college, because ever since coming to university I haven’t really been that dedicated to my studies. At college there was always the need to move on to something else, but since I’m not doing an MA after university, I guess I just became slack with things. I mean, it’s not like my life has some dramatic change after I graduate, is there? And I guess that’s what I’ve come to realise in the last few weeks – I am graduating. Very soon. I’m almost disappointed with myself, to be honest. When I first got on to my course in the stance that I did (without being egotistical – I didn’t do an art foundation course like the rest of my course and was the youngest there), I really had this new found confidence in my work. I guess since actually coming to university that has deflated, I’ve lost confidence (as well as artistic inspiration) and become a bit… despondent! Still, I’m sure it’ll all work out.
So, dissertation hand in tomorrow. I was thinking earlier about how it might be weird for Iain to be dating someone that is soon to be graduating when he has only started university. I remember in my first year being reckless (and silently sad), happily drinking myself to death and slowly trying to kill myself. I mean, not that I expect him – or anyone else for that matter – would be doing the same.. I guess my experience of the first year was just so different. I can’t imagine to have been dating someone that is so intense in their course, and beginning to think about being a ‘proper adult’ when you’re immersed into the student world of parties, drugs and generally fucking about. I’d love to be back there. I guess in a way I feel a bit of an old git compared to some people I meet now – knowing I’ll have to get a proper job, knowing how much financial instability I am in, knowing that I may soon be an old man saying to his young and cheerfully chipper boyfriend “sorry son, I can’t party tonight, I’ve got to work to pay my taxes!” Ugh.
Still. What an amazing three years it has been. I moved here being in a long-term relationship, only for it to fall apart - let it be known that I am not bitter. I see it as three years of personal growth for both of us. Of course I will always be sad that it didn’t work, but ultimately, we took what we needed from each other (primarily love), and did all we could that was possible to make each other happy. I’ve learnt to be a reckless independent child, juggle a relationship & job & full-time education. I’ve had terrible housing experiences (as well as the most amazing!). I’ve been hospitalised in the local psychiatric hospital – perhaps the most insane (ha ha, pun intended) time of my life, and I’ve learnt that healing really does exist. I’ve become a more rational person, I’ve opened my heart to new people (hello chocolate man!). I’ve lost money, had things stolen from me, I’ve taken a huge deal of class A, B, and C drugs, and I’ve consumed a hell of a lot of alcohol.
I’ve done what every student has done (apart from perhaps the hospitalisation). And I really have no regrets. I have learnt so much, but the most important thing I have learnt is how to deal with love, loss, and the power to love again. And it’s been great – the whole fucking shebang.
(And there’s three years of photographic archives for you to peruse, if you’re new, or if you just simply can’t remember. Hell, sometimes I can’t even remember what’s happened in my life.)
