a.funnytimeofyear.com

Christ I look fiiiine.

Despondent, exhausted, irritable, hungry and cold. Welcome to saturday morning.

Last night I had a wet dream. This hasn’t happened since I was fifteen and on holiday with my friend. She doesn’t know this (well, she does now I guess).

I think I’m sexually frustrated.

It doesn’t help that I’ve been listening to Avenue D all week whose lyrics consist of the words fuck cock suck come hard repeatedly. Problem is that I don’t feel comfortable just banging anyone (and lord knows how easy it is to get laid in this gay ol’ city). I think I’m missing that real intimacy that I’ve only had with two people - B. Boy and Chocolate man - strangely the only two people that have been my boyfriend! And we all know that shit’s over, so my only other option is to become celibate? I just don’t fancy screwing around for the sake of getting my rocks off, but God damn my sexual libido is screwed up.

Procrastination.. it’s an art. An art I seem to have perfected this year! Despite having two months to finish my degree, I spend my days listening to Dolly Parton, staring out of the window, gazing at the ceiling and deciding what to eat for dinner. At least I’ve achieved some skill in the past three years!

This weekend has just proved to me how amazing my friends are. I feel so lucky to have friends that I can wholly share myself with. I guess previously I put a lot of pressure on sharing everything with B. Boy - having a boyfriend that I could always turn to.. and yeah, that was nice, having a boyfriend and feeling loved in that sense.. but hey, I ain’t got a boyfriend no more! And what are friends for? I seem to have been blessed with people that just accept that I am a bit fucked up at times, that I’m irrational and illogical and dress like a girl when I go out (feels weird actually writing that - but at least I look good!) and obsessively take photos (but at least they’re good too!)… I dunno. Just.. thank you.. these people know who they are.
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