It’s weird. Since I broke up with Hilton people are constantly commenting on how chirpy I seem to be. I have upped my dosage on my citalopram and I am torn in thinking whether it is this that has lifted my mood, or if simply being single has had this effect. Typically before I have always been a Risky Drunk, sometimes falling into dark moods and subsequently self-harming. However, recently, although I have been rather drunk far more times than is healthy, I have remained upbeat and happy. Last night I went dancing with friends after having a dinner party and just could not stop giggling. I was like a little girl. A few people told me it was like having the Old Me back. The happy-go-lucky boy that enjoys having a good time. I think the relieved pressure of being with Hilton has just given me the opportunity to be myself and do whatever I want without having to think about what he would think, or if we’d have to have another “talk”. I could take my clothes off in front of complete strangers and dive into the sea without any cares! Sure, I have that post-drunken guilt feeling – was I too noisy, drunk, annoying? – but I don’t have to worry about him interrogating me and asking me what I got up to.
Simply put: I seem to be happier.
I haven’t self-harmed in weeks. Yes I am drinking far too much, but my moods have generally been a lot higher and I am constantly thankful for having the most amazing friends that keep me busy and will do anything to make me happy
