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It’s weird. Since I broke up with Hilton people are constantly commenting on how chirpy I seem to be. I have upped my dosage on my citalopram and I am torn in thinking whether it is this that has lifted my mood, or if simply being single has had this effect. Typically before I have always been a Risky Drunk, sometimes falling into dark moods and subsequently self-harming. However, recently, although I have been rather drunk far more times than is healthy, I have remained upbeat and happy. Last night I went dancing with friends after having a dinner party and just could not stop giggling. I was like a little girl. A few people told me it was like having the Old Me back. The happy-go-lucky boy that enjoys having a good time. I think the relieved pressure of being with Hilton has just given me the opportunity to be myself and do whatever I want without having to think about what he would think, or if we’d have to have another “talk”. I could take my clothes off in front of complete strangers and dive into the sea without any cares! Sure, I have that post-drunken guilt feeling – was I too noisy, drunk, annoying? – but I don’t have to worry about him interrogating me and asking me what I got up to.

Simply put: I seem to be happier.

I haven’t self-harmed in weeks. Yes I am drinking far too much, but my moods have generally been a lot higher and I am constantly thankful for having the most amazing friends that keep me busy and will do anything to make me happy

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Thanks to icandy for this – My Morning Jacket & Erykah Badu singing Tyrone..

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I am already totally addicted to Max Richter‘s new album, 24 Postcards in Full Colour. In particular the haunting 23rd track, Found Song for P. If you haven’t got his album The Blue Notebooks you should buy/download now – it’s such a beautiful collection of neo-classical music.

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Hurrah! Fun at Carnival…

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Had the girls round for dinner last night and decided to spoil them with face masks and have a proper girly night. I’m not sure what I’ll do this bank holiday weekend. Everyone seems to be busy working or something. I could go to Notting Hill Carnival with my Mama and Corinne but I find it difficult when I am there. I am always very aware of being gay there and it sometimes makes me feel uncomfortable, and I don’t like the atmosphere that descends upon Notting Hill at around 8pm. Plus the incredibly difficult train hell that you always get caught up in. This week has been constant non-stop so perhaps it’ll be good to just wind down and spend some time with a good book and some beautiful films.

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